wednesday's post

today was pep rally day. we had a conversation about getting out there and getting your ass wet.so yeah,i should do that.

another attempt at this new part.
today after the pep rally we worked on the events.i took all the notes so i can get a better understanding of comedy.i participated in our events discusion.checked my email again for jess:no response.

alright fuck this i do not care.i am typing up this stupid blog and crying!crying for no fucking reason.im about to be really mope-y and sad and depressing and i dont give a fuck because im sick of keeping this buddled up in class when i want to fucking cry.i hate hearing about college and how hard its going to be.i hate typing these journals because they just get me so pissed.i hate not knowing where im going to go into.i hate people telling me im doing fine,when i dont see the results.i hate being scared to act,and being horrible at it,and not understanding even the easiest of concepts.i hate how everyone else seems to just be able to do and understand and stay calm about so much.where's there little bitch fests???i hate how im such a thinker,and all i can do well is tech.i hate how im going to suck as a stage manager and i think katelyn should just get all of it,because im going to be a fucking wreck.how the hell anyone is an sm for our class is beyond me.cause either you have the people who work constantly,and always need jobs,that you cant give them,or the people who are "cleaning the dressing room" and do nothing.how can you stay on top of this shit! i cant even be assertive enough to hadle a simple light crew thingy,which was assigned to me,without it being taken up by someone else.i hate that everyone probably thinks of me as a stupid bitch who likes to complain and be depressed.i just want to leave.leave theatre,because i cant do this.college.then the real world.trying to make money.in a job that no one gets.no one understands this crap we go through.its easy to them.well its not fucking easy.im in fucking 10th grade and im freaking out about after college.why cant i just do nothing,get c's and d's and go to middlesex?because i have to be the psycopath and want to be in theatre.

pg-100
i just spilled my soul.i took notes today.i listened and participated.i wrote the rehearsal report.