The Total Copout
By Michelle Lane
ME and I sit at a table playing a
fast paced card game. Like war or something.
They’re identical.
ME
I’m so sick of this game.
I
So why are you still playing?
ME
Cause you’re still playing.
I
You can stop whenever you want.
ME
stops for a moment. I waits patiently.
ME
What are you starring at?
I
You.
ME
I can tell.
I
No I can tell.
ME
You’re hilarious.
I
I AM hilarious.
You gonna start playing again?
ME
No I have stuff to do.
I
Like…
ME
Like write that damn paper. And that play. And shop for
college. And you know talk to people. Like on Facebook or something. And I’m
tired.
I
So sleep.
ME
I can’t just sleep. I sleep too much.
I
So don’t be tired.
I
gathers the cards and starts shuffling.
Play with me.
ME
I have work to do!
I
Do it later.
ME
I can’t I’ve put it off too long already.
I
You don’t even want to do it.
ME
I don’t want to do it.
They
start playing again.
I
Why are you even doing that thing?
ME
Cause I didn’t do it last year.
I
You can’t write though.
ME
But maybe this’ll help.
I
This right now?
ME
Yeah.
I
You just wrote a play about two selves talking to each
other. Like no one has ever done that. Now you’re pointing towards the fact
that this play is about writing a play. You are such a copout. Hell that’s the
name of this thing.
ME
You don’t have to be negative.
I
You don’t have to be uninteresting.
ME
I’ll write a better one tomorrow.
I
Or you can just do another one of these. This one is coming
out great.
ME
Bitch.
I
Yep. Wrap this shit up.
THE
END.
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