wednesday.

ok,before i talk about the reading.i want to talk about today.

i'm really sorry about like running away when you were trying to talk to me.i was lost in thought,and i was so absorbed in it, i was kinda like,theres other people and there talking to me?

so again,i'm really sorry.

what i thought about the exorcise was basically...WHAT?i just can't get it.i can soft focus,because i've done it before.but i can never do it in class.and i know that were not supposed to be correcting ourselves,but i always feel like i'm doing everything wrong.i'm such a compulsive over thinker.so i like,can't get past it.so then i start thinking,well am i cut out for this?because i'm not doing it right.so then i get really down,and thats what happened today.so i was just caught up in everything.

so yeah.thats what i thought about the exorcise.

but on to the reading!

cherry orchard.

i still feel like nothing is going on!and its annoying the crap out of me.all i read is "yellow ball in side pocket"-gayev.or something about cutting down the cherry ochard.its just like will anything happen????i mean i appretiate the realness,how everything is true life for these people,nothing dramatic happens without a build up right?but i mean something has to occur soon!something...i mean i hate to say this,but i feel stupid when i read and i know there is something happening underneith it all,i'm just missing it!

its just so frustrating.

so the ovious.liubov is worried about the house but is hesitant to sell it or to start anything.gayev is worried as well,but he wants to keep the home,and i have to agree.i mean its your family's house,but wouldn't you rather live in it the way you remember for as long as possible and not start chopping things down and building things,then regret it later?or live and keep things in your memory as much as possible then say good-bye as you will always remeber?

lopakhin is bothering me!hes like that telemarketer that doesn't stop calling and trying to get you to buy timeshares.but he's alive!lopakhin just doesn't shut up.change the house,make money.change the house make money.his mind is so one tracked.just money money money and more money.i want someone to yell at him and just say shut up!

so i'm still reading miss julie,and its same old same old.i want to read mud!but i'm afaid if my parents knew what happened in it at all,they would say no.

pg-100
i took part in the exorcise today,as bad or confused as i was,i took part in it.i tried my hardest.i also swept today!and i think i still stepped on a pin without knowing.plus i totally fell on the steps,i dont know if you saw that...i also remembered my blacks today.i read and wrote my journal.