participation

pg-100
today.i did my monologue again.i think it went well.i agree when you said that it was looser,because i could feel it.it felt better that way.now i just have to work on it more.and study for the lovely final.yay.

good person

i finally read the backround on the play.and i think that now i was thinking way too much and that i understand the play,i just confused myself.

when shen teh is pregnant with sun's baby,while sun has left her.i was confused at first and thought she already had the child,but i then caught on that no,shen teh was just with another child,it wasn't her own.BUT that child saw her change from shen teh into shui ta.so i'm curious how that will come into the story later on.

its interesting how shen teh said she wouldn't use the check that the barber gave her,but she ends up using it anyway for way more money than she needs.shui ta then outts alot of people to work for shen teh for food.so i feel like shen teh is finally getting a bit of buisness smarts and is seeing that she has to work for herself a little bit.

but she does redem herself because she offers to help wang with his hand.but she ends up going back on her redemtion when she becomes shui ta,who fog=rgets basically about wang's hand.

what i don't get is the whole buisness aspect of the play.like how does shen teh get the tobacco for the couple?like they ask her to hold it?but then how do they get it in the first place?and was she going to give wang her left over tobacco to pay for his hand?but i thought she was going to sell that to pay off her debts?

i think that people are starting to catch on to shen teh and shui ta's changing.because its always one leaves town while the other stays in town.one is controlling the shop one isn't.its back and forth with them.and pretty soon all the people will catch on how even their personalities are back and forth.one is always nice the other is strict and fair.

pg-100
so today i got to do my monologue!i was really nervous after i finished.i kind of just said to myself to spit out the slate so i just got it over with before my nerves got the better of me.then i just let the monologue come out.i'm trying to lisssssssten to my ssss's and my ttttttt's now.i don't think it's just the braces.i think it's always been the way i've talked so that should be a fun habbit to break.

good person for tuesday and wednesday.

tuesday.

so sun and shen teh are officially getting married.i feel like shen teh has finally given up on herself.like she no longer has her own like thoughts.i feel like sun is so over powering and controlling and that he will stop her from being her good self.

because i've been thinking about what we've been talking about.and i guess i see how shen teh is still trying to be good.and that shui ta isn't the bad guy i've been thinking of him as.he is just himself i'd like to say.he's not bad he just does what he feels is right.shen teh does the same.she just has a general good instinct.

everyone i feel like isn't good or bad anymore,but its just follows their gut insticts.like people just have better insticts and are naturally nicer or kinder.they do what they can.

sun just annoys me.he's so controlling and rude.and shen teh deserves more.she can do better.i don't understand why, even when she knows how he truely feels,she still hopes for the good to come out in him.she wants to repay the old couple and be kind, but he just say no don't even try its not important,we'll just leave and move on with my life and my career.how does she not leave him and even try to put up with that???

i don't know how many times we've gone over the theme and meaning behind it but i can't understand this play at all.i'm trying to finish this play and figure it out on my own but i'm seriously lost.and i have no idea what i'm missing anymore.
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wednesday.

so a bit of a crack i guess at the theme of the play here.wang talks to the gods about the least useful being the most fortunate.so the opposite being someone who is useful to everyone and helps everyone, like shen teh,is the least fortunate.she's so helpful and caring,but she's always hurt.she's going to be hurt by sun.i feel like he doesnt really care about her. he's just using her as a way to get to where he needs to be and that so unfair!but then i can also be said that shen teh cant always count on other people's good deeds.but when she doesn't trust people it's kind of going against what she does already,be nice and kind and caring.

but now what for shen teh?she has to give up her shop,she won't take any help,suns gone.what else does she have to do?she has to pay back the elderly couple and her rent.even when she's offered monay,she refuses it out of kindness or stupidity or whatever reason she has.

i want to just grab her and shake her and scream at her to do something!i just don't know how she can still try to defend sun and she tries to still pay back her debts.she just can't give up.

all the money too.wow.it really is like the root of all their problems.everyone is poor and miserable.they all have to borrow and pay back money.and they all need money but no one has any so you really start to see what happens to a group of poor people who get large sums of money.they just take it and destroy it.

pg-100
so today we worked on monologues a little bit.and we discussed audition processes.as much as i'd like to say i'm ready for it.i'm not.but i'm really going to work hard on my monolgues,because i know i'm going to be a mess with it.i'm so scared to try it again.but we'll see what happens.

participation

pg-100
so today we talked more about good person.and to me it seems like yet another play is just flying over my head.i feel like i'm getting it from a wrong angle.its weird.but i did take very good notes.and i participated in the class descusion about dadaism.

participation

pg-100
today we got taught by mr.baker/teacher dan.go critical writing!it helped a lot.i'm really going to work with the soc or vomit method when working.in class i only asked a million questions.and they were all confusing as hell.i'm sure i annoyied the crap out of dan.but today did help.so hopefully my reviews improve somehow.

good person for wednesday and thursday

wednesday's post.

so now i know that shen teh and shui ta are the same person,from the text though! i think she knows that she's not the angel the gods believe anymore.she knows that making up shui ta was the wrong thing to do,but now she's stuck and has to try to be the best she can as shen teh,and i think she's even trying to be a better shui ta too.because from what i read when shui ta talks to sun about the 200 dollars he seems to have a little less agressive personality and more of the nice shen teh.but i think that because shen teh can be mean like that, that would be her real thoughts.its like what everyone wishes they could have someone to be able to speak their real thoughts without any reprocusions.shen teh is living the dream!

i'm just trying to like contimplate the "good and bad"-ness of shen teh and shui ta and everyone else.i feel that all the other characters besides sun really-because he's marring just for money when he's able to make money,and is a complete ass basically about it!he thinks of shen teh as a money machine,just his own little atm,because she's a successful but she trusts in people's character which is a huge mistake.but all the other characters are good because they're not perfect but they admit it and they know that about themselves.instead of lying and putting on a mask so they can look happy and perfect they're themselves.and they accept that they're not perfect.shen teh i think is just mean,evil,and stupid underneath everything but she's created the "shen teh character" not the shui ta character she just pushed all her bad attributes into a man as an alternative identity.

so could that be sextus in a way?like brecht is saying that women can't or shouldn't speak their mind and only men can and should?because thats not at all true.its like the same idea that you were telling us about disney and how most villans are women in power.just reversed roles and in a weird perspective.

brecht why are you making me think so much??????
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thrusday's post.

ah!i'm so mad at shen teh.she's so stupid!she gave up a life of like having her shop,getting married to a stable man who DIDN'T want to just take her for her money.but gave it up for someone who she met once and just fell in love with like that!she knows what he wants to do,so why does she choose to ignore it!she's better than that like really.she can have a better life by herself or something other than someone who just wants her money,then wants her to give up her life so he can move on with his dream,but what about what she wants to do?and she's a hiderance to sun!he would just leave her while he goes to flight school.

shen teh knows that he wants to do this,and she tries to leave and makes arrangements to marry someone else,but she just drops him like a fly.she's being playied!how is that smart?i know she's trying to give everyone a chance and trying to let everyone have a chance to be good,but she can't help everyone thats just impossible.

he's not a good person.but he knows it!he knows that he can toy with shen teh and that she'll come crawling back.he can just act good for a moment and shen teh will come running back in hope that he's good.that's when having hope and hoping for everyone's humanity to be like yours(or in her case her ideal humanity)just becomes useless,and you can't help everyone.

i feel bad for mr.shu fu because he just lost his fiance as quickly as he got her.but its a pinch of karma there because he injured wang so he shouldn't get anything because of that cruelty.

i like wang.he seems like the only real character,he is who he says he is.and he knows how people work.he's the only one who is truely good because he tries to be and accepts when he can't be.so go wang!

pg-100
today we had chi ti with jessica.which was fun.i wish we could have learned more.because i tried it once i got home and it just felt really cool.the acting games were interesting,and hard at the same time.though i'm wishing i asked how they can be used in acting.how would the soilder,guard,knight game be used just like group mind and quick thinking?i'm really not sure.and i asked a question about college.so that clariffied alot.but i wished i asked sooner.

participation for wednesday

pg-100
today we worked on williamsburg agian.and we learned the hunch?hump?the name REALLY escapes me.today felt more closed off for me i guess.i felt less open and i regret that i wasn't as open.but i still enjoyed myself.my one "set-back" was when we worked with partners and lacey had us use someone in our life,i didn't feel alot of real emotion until the end of the exercise.but i really tried today.

tuesday's post

so shen teh is back in her shop.but everyone still mooches off of her.i really want to like scream at these characters and tell them to get lives or a job or something!!!shen teh needs everything she can get and do they not care?i realise that shen teh is a giving person but what about the morals of the others?i always feel guilty taking from other people,but i never like to willingly take from people who need it more.but they just don't care!!!they can't just move on and support themselves.or even say oh thank you for offering,but no.they just keep saying where's my this?wheres that?sheh ten needs this.she came from nothing and now she has something,but they just take and take.

i guess its brecht's way of differentiating between sheh ten's goodness and kindness and the rest of the "normal" world's mentalities,that they come first.so brecht pushes the ruder things people do to extremes and in some cases not even to extremes,just to show that good people like true good people are hard to come by.AND because someone said that shen teh is the cousin too,she-in my eyes at least-isn't this true good person or shouldn't be considered one.because using an alternative personality doesn't mean its not you,its even worse because then its a huge lie!

i'm trying not to favor or dislike anyone but i appreciate shen teh's kindness but i hate the fact that she isn't truely kind!it bothers me.so very much.but i hated that all the moochers (number 1!) then could not even help wang when he really needed it(number 2!).wang is that true kindness because he just lives such a humble life style.he loses his hand he has nothing!and he doesn't have much to begin with!i feel so bad for him,because it isn't fair that shen teh is given this opportunity and is kind but secretly evil and mean but the true kindness the one that deserves all the wealth and help that sheh teh got,is just tossed aside by everyone and not cared for at all.its just not fair.

i guess in retrospect shen teh is giving back a bit to wang because she is going to lie so he can get compisated.but i feel like that isn't enough.now that i understand this play more i feel like i'm enjoying it a bit more.

but i have a question about the music part or the poems that everyone says.are they songs that were put to music and sang or were they said as poems,even though someof them don't really rhyme completely?like how were they presented in the performance?

pg-100
finally!!!!!!i felt RIGHT in movement class.its a miracle!!!!just after lacey had us sit for 10 minutes i felt my senses like work around me.and just be relaxed and i really just said in the begining today is a fun day,i have to just relax and do it and have fun with it!and i had such an amazing day in class.i just rolled with it.i let it out and i laughed when i wanted to,even when we had to use the choreography i said at one point that i haven't done anything in a while but i then thought,i didn't feel the need to do anything i just moved when i felt like moving and when i just wanted to not when i said i should move this way now.i didn't care if i was doing anything right i just felt it work.AHHHH!!!!!!!i can't wait for tomorrow.

participation.

so no blog today because i sent you my soc.

pg-100
today i was prepared and took good notes.i also participated in our discussion and i asked close to one million questions about good person.which is being clarified,but i'm annoyied that i still am unable to pick up on these things!roar.but i'm excited for movement tomorrow.maybe i'll start to "get" movement in a different style.

good person day 4 and 5

i'm getting confused about the time and place of the play now.i know it takes place in china.but the time is different.the people still believe in gods but there are "aeroplanes"?so when would this be taking place?

the cousin is creeping me out.mr shui ta is now controlling everything.he took over her buisness and now he's planning her marriage?with out even discussing it with her?because it is not at all fair that he can just appear out of no where and control shen teh.

and speaking of shen teh where is she?she just poofed away,then comes back in the park and shes getting married.like where is this story going????then this man sun comes into the story and him and shen teh are talking in the park for a bit.i think they're talking about him trying to comite suicide?i'm not completely sure.this whole play is very confusing.i feel like there are 2-3 different stories happening at the same time but i dont understand any of them.shen teh's story,shui ta's story and wang's minor story.and what ever happened to the gods?are they ever going to come back?are these stories ever going to like connect together?i'm just so confused about the theme,the purpose,the plot.i'm just confused!

what i do get is brecht's writing style a little bit more but thats only because you explained it and even then its not eintirely clear.evil person of szechwan is more i like it.
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so in the park shen teh and sun were talking about him killing himself.and shen teh is getting married for money.wang is back!as are the gods.

another question i have is how are the scenesbroken up?some are scenes and then there are interludes and breaks in between.that aren't scenes,but i'm not sure what they are?

well the gods are really concerned about shen teh,they have to know if she's being "good" i guess.but then wang is giving them false information because he told them things her cousin did not shen teh so she'll get in trouble for her cousin's rudeness.but according to her he's not coming back so maybe she can have her buisnesswithout her stupid cousin.

and why do some of the charatcers like break out into songs or these poem things?its not just normal dialogue,its like a break away from the dialogue.so i'm confused as to what that would be called??

i still dont like these gods.they just seem weird.like different.they dont seem like normal gods.they seem too concerned with the common people,and i want to know why!!!!i'm still confused as hell.

pg-100
so today was misner.and i did try!i really did.and i'm trying to get repitition because i was horrible in the begining of the year.but i worked at it today.plus i had my blacks today and i blogged for today and yesterday.

participation

pg-100
today began with my little talk about me being hard on myself.i know its not good,but ive done it forever.so i really have to work on that.but today i hung lights which is always fun.plus i got to bring down the electrics.i helped with the plugging in of the lights.and thank god for matt,because we freshman probably annoyied the hell out of him with our questions.plus i ran back and forth to the cage so much,its crazy.

good person day 3

so the cousin is real.because he just came for a visit.but he said that shen teh has been detained?so she got arrested?for what?i thoguht she'd get in trouble for lying about her cousin,but her cousin is real!so what did she do to get arrested?

but the family was confused about the cousin.so was he a lie to them,but shen teh had something up her sleave?so what is the cousin going to do with the shop because doesnt it belong to shen teh?

but i understand the anit-capitalism brecht has in this play now.like when shen teh got all of her money for the shop,she was almost attacked because of her sudden wealth,by beggers and people who needed a place to stay,and her shop was ruined from the start because alot of money fell inot a kind person's hands and while she had good intentions she was used by people and that hurt her.then when she has no more money,because she helped people,they will continue to ask for help and soon will wear her down,then beg for more,and become disappointed when there is no one help to be given.so the point he's trying to make i think is that money even in a good person's hands will hurt someone in the end.

and i feel like the cousin shui ta is saying everything shen teh couldn't say before.and i feel like the reason might be because he's a man and she isn't.when sheh teh said something no one would take her seriously,but when shui ta says something its ok.and he means business,i mean really???????

oh and wang came back for a bit.i'm still thinking about what his part ion this play is because so far it sems kind of centered around sheh teh and her "drama" you could say.

pg-100
today i participated in our theatre turned history turned politics turned epic theatre discussion.and i took notes on this play which i desperatly needed.i still dont completely get it but i'm trying and i'm hoping i will kinda get it once i finish.plus i read and blogged today.

getting back into the swing of things...

good person of szechwan day 2.

so i'm confused because this play had a main character,and then it switched to shen teh.what happened to wang from before?is he going to come back or was he just in the begining?

well shen teh opened a shop thanks to the gods and their donation.but then her old landlords came and asked for a room.along with a begger man and mrs.shin.the man asked for cigarettes and shen teh gave then to him willingly.and mrs.shin sold shen teh her old shop and she's kind of bitter about it now.shen teh gives her rice and is kind to her but mrs.shin is just mad about her situation and i don't think thats fair to shen teh.shen teh gives her house to alot of people.a couple and their nephew.plus an aunt of theirs,a grandpa,cousins,just evryone in their family is staying in the very small shop and shen teh is kind enough to let them all stay for free.

and whos this cousin everyone's refering to?but shen teh just seems really hesitant about letting him foot the bill for her shop.so is he real at all?or is the family just lying for shen teh's sake?but isn't that going to get shen teh in to more trouble than before?so then she will looose her shop.and be poor again and have to be a prostitute again for money.so shen teh's kinda screwed untill she can pay off all the money for the shop.then she's going to have to lie more and then she's going to be in so much trouble.then the gods will probably have to see her again and she'll get punished i guess?i'm still really confused about this play.

but i do want to talk about movement today.i feel so awkward in movement class and i know it shows.i do have alot of inhabitions,and i'm afraid that i cant get over them.becuase even when i try to just sayscrew it michelle and just focus and have fun and do it!i can't.i'm just so afraid of looking like an ass i guess.

i also think that i'm not doing anything right in movement!i mean i feel like everyone else gets it and does it right and i'm just a mess.but then i start thinking how were not supposed to worry about everyone else.but its hard.i'm one of the most self consious people,and feeling behind is making me feel like i shouldn't be an actor!but then i think i'm only a freshman and i don't really know what i'm doing.so i'm just very confused.and i'm pretty sure it was obvious that i was over thinking so i'm sorry that my head wasn't completly in the class today.

so i'm going to try to just relax about it.its only the second marking period and i definatly can't expect to be perfect yet,or ever really.but i can't be great and get absolutely everything the first time.so i just have to REALLY try to get over my inhabitions.and just do it.

pg-100
today even though i'll admit i wasn't completly into the extersize,i did try and there were moments that i felt like something was clicking.so i'm really trying to work on everything.i had my blacks today and i read and wrote my blog.so i deserve a 100.