thursday's post.

today we finished our strike.i taught people how to properly wrap cableand how to put the lights back correctly.i started to organize the lights but didnt get to finish.i'm making sure i learn and teach as much tech as i can before main stage so i dont look like an idiot.

pg-100
i took down the trees with john and emily.i taought people how to wrap cable and put lights back.with lexii,kelsey,john,and emily i started to organize the lights in the cage.i also tried to be as confident with giving out jobs to people as possible.

wednesday's post

today was pep rally day. we had a conversation about getting out there and getting your ass wet.so yeah,i should do that.

another attempt at this new part.
today after the pep rally we worked on the events.i took all the notes so i can get a better understanding of comedy.i participated in our events discusion.checked my email again for jess:no response.

alright fuck this i do not care.i am typing up this stupid blog and crying!crying for no fucking reason.im about to be really mope-y and sad and depressing and i dont give a fuck because im sick of keeping this buddled up in class when i want to fucking cry.i hate hearing about college and how hard its going to be.i hate typing these journals because they just get me so pissed.i hate not knowing where im going to go into.i hate people telling me im doing fine,when i dont see the results.i hate being scared to act,and being horrible at it,and not understanding even the easiest of concepts.i hate how everyone else seems to just be able to do and understand and stay calm about so much.where's there little bitch fests???i hate how im such a thinker,and all i can do well is tech.i hate how im going to suck as a stage manager and i think katelyn should just get all of it,because im going to be a fucking wreck.how the hell anyone is an sm for our class is beyond me.cause either you have the people who work constantly,and always need jobs,that you cant give them,or the people who are "cleaning the dressing room" and do nothing.how can you stay on top of this shit! i cant even be assertive enough to hadle a simple light crew thingy,which was assigned to me,without it being taken up by someone else.i hate that everyone probably thinks of me as a stupid bitch who likes to complain and be depressed.i just want to leave.leave theatre,because i cant do this.college.then the real world.trying to make money.in a job that no one gets.no one understands this crap we go through.its easy to them.well its not fucking easy.im in fucking 10th grade and im freaking out about after college.why cant i just do nothing,get c's and d's and go to middlesex?because i have to be the psycopath and want to be in theatre.

pg-100
i just spilled my soul.i took notes today.i listened and participated.i wrote the rehearsal report.

tuesday's post

today we had hopie come and visit! as much as i love these alumni visits,they always make me so sad,cause you just hear how hard its going to get.its like highschool isnt always easy,then college is hard as hell.you just can never catch a break!

okay so here goes an attempt at the new way of writing blogs.so i helped the production of comedy of errors today,by re-hanging our general light plot with scarlett and lexii,and you.i checked my email for any updates on jessica,but so far haven't had any.

pg-100
i deserve a 100 for listening to hope and trying my best not to mope about college. i got everyone to come back to the classroom since were not supposed to take the keys.i tried to lead the lights group but you and scarlett kind of took over,which i was happy about, since i started to mope. i hung lights and re-wired things.

monday's post

okay just throwing out there,that i currently have over 200 blog posts, i feel accomplished. i think that shows the work and how much i've done over the past year and a half. so yay it's like a 200 anniversary party!

so today we kind of got really off topic looking for your portfolio (which i think we will find! somewhere!) then talking about our experiences with the concert. which i'm excited for the sophomores to do one day. i think if we have a concert this year,and then have it again next year (around the same time) and then have it senior year it can become an annual concert, regardless of who the money goes to, it would still be making money for novus and as the years go on it will hopefully become more popular and more people will come to see it, gaining more money for novus. i vote yes. because i think since we're allowed to use the theatre for benefits now why not use that chance?

we did get some events done though. i think we finished maybe 4 events in a period with some discussions in between? something like that.its going really fast,i think its because everyone is really starting to work on the play and understand it alot more so its getting way easier.

pg-100
today i wrote all the notes we took.i paid attention, and contributed during all our discussions. i spoke with you abou jessica today. and i emailed her about the tech days when i came home, hopefully we have a lighting designer soon.

wednesday-friday's posts

i stayed after for concert tech.

i'm going to apologize for basically being a bitch in class, whenever i was, those 3 days.i couldnt actually say why i was so pissy.but i shouldn't have been,and that was quite stupid of me.

tuesday's late post

so tuesday, we started an event list pretty much about comedy of errors.it was difficult,but helpful in seeing that every event isn't every scene. and every climax ina play isn't the only climax you're going to find. each individual event has a platform,inciting action,sometimes events,a climax,and a resolution.that event forever changing the world of the play.kind of crazy to think about.i took down all the notes from the spread sheet,and asked questions as to why doing this is important,which i completely understand now.doing this helps the actors imensly, rather than just saying their lines,they know what their ever changing objective is.

pg-100 (so 50.)
today i wrote the rehearsal report for katelyn,simply because we started earlier than usual,and she wasn't there for it.i tried with my group to figure out what the events were in act 1,but we failed miserably.i did take down notes and followed along with todays lesson.

monday's late post

so i forgot to blog.but i'm going to write them anyway in hopes of getting half credit since i missed? on top of that monday was interesting so i'm going to put my memories up on the internet.

can we just have a "dun,dun,dun,dunnnnn" for PSATS scores, and yet another college talk,grades talk,and studying talk. not that i hate the talks or anything,but i do.because everytime we as a class have to talk about these things, i just think they get more and more impossible to make happen.okay yeah, i got a decent score, one of the highest in class, but so what? doing well this one time, or doing bad this one time, doesn't mean you'll automatically do well/bad when it matters. for all i know it could have been a lucky day. i could have guessed everything correct by a work of god.who knows? then studying for 3 hours a day.thats alot of studying.i straight up do not have that kind of muscle.nor do i think i'll get there any time soon.i rarely have had to study all my life,which im thankful for,but it made me a complete slacker.im not going to make excuses here, im lazy ass hell when it comes to work.so in a year in a half maybe my grades might be okay,but there is no way to garenty my SATS are not going to be nearly as great.thats why i didnt sign the "im going to get over a 1400 on my SATS" paper last year.

so ienwnblojnrbp;ojwnbdsfvqweba.besides that. we started working on physical features and gestures of characters today. i have to say its kind of weird to not be up on stage working,and just having to watch them work and take notes.i just have to give alot of credit to actors,because seeing the character,physical,mental,and diction work they have to do is crazy.and were onlyin hihgschool,imaging how much more goes into a major stage play or movie, in kind of mind blowing.

pg-100 (so 50 for half credit)
today i listened during all of our lectures today. it gave me a lot to think about. as the ever present pesimistic realist, yeah not all of it was positive. when we went to the stage i tried to really watch the actors and try to think "how would i do that?" what would i see for this character or this one. i think doing things like that while still sm-ing, will help me see where i want to end up in theatre.and i wrote the rehearsal report.

fridays post

so today was the last day of 12 princesses. i learned a lot about calling a show, and being a stage manager. it was pretty amazing to work with ms.mac and all the dancers. they especially gave me alot to think about for running comedy.

tuesday,wednesday,thrusday's posts

so all 3 days i was teching for ms.macs dance show. and thursday was the show.which was insanely nerve racking. and i wasn't even on stage!

monday's post

so today i had to come in late because i had to go to the eye doctor. just so you know, it was because i have 2 "lazy eyes" though the doctor gave me a way more confusing name for them. the 2 solutions or atleast options that will help, are either glasses with a very low perscription, or eye therapy. so either i'm going to get glasses or some eye help.

anyway today we re-started tabel work! it's moving kind of slow,but i'm payng attention for the rehearsal reports. even though katelyn is doing it today, i paid attention to see if i could have anything to add later on.

pg-100
today i paid attention even though i had to come in later. i read over the rehearsal report so i knew where we were and what i missed.

friday's post

today i was backstage for ms.mac's dance show. it was pretty awesome. my new favorite person is melanie, on eof mac's dancers. and she is an insanely amazing mover. she's graceful, but is also built like a dancing robot. i love her and she is amaizng.

and i get extra credit cause i was there, so no blog for friday.

thursday's post

so today we talked about the fdu workshop a bit. then more about college and we talked a LOT about the "clean up" part of college.how they'll fix you up and make you super presentable. which is both exciting and terrifying.

i just dont know about college and sats and everything about it. i dont know what to think of it. i just get super negative about sats. going to get low scores because i know i'll underestimate the test, then that means no college. but by some miracle i get decent scores, then its applying,essays,scholorships,financial aid,actually being part of the 10% they pick from,then actually getting picked. then hopefully surviving 4 years of bfa in ANYTHING classes. then some how trying to make it. make money,get a job. do something with your life. in a buisness where 90% is unemployed, and you make next to nothing for doing a shit load of work.

the future.fucking.scares.me. i dont want to get into the hard parts. i want it to be easy. because how can anyone deal with all this crap? how does anyone do anything ever? you have to be a fucking genious,talented,street smart,and be likeable. i just dont feel like i can handle all of this during and after high school. i understand its not easy,but i dont even think i can handle the difficulty of all of it. but this is what i want to be doing. i just hate talks about the future. i want to go nowhere and work at mcdonalds forever.make it easy on myself.

call me negative or whatever, its just relaistic.
well, after spilling my soul, we cleaned urine town today.i sorted through plates cups and other crap like that with john. we found 2 dead rats. it was pretty nasty.

pg-100

today i participated in our discussion on fdu's workshop yesterday.i participated in our discussion about college. i was prepared to finish the read through, even though we didnt get to finish. we cleaned urine town. i wrapped glass cups and stuff with john,sorting through all the kitchen stuff. i also learned that you're not supposed to wrap props up,becuase then you cant tell what they are.

wednesday's post

today we had another read through, and re-tested everyone who failed. i was both happy and frustrated with some of the actors today. happy because all of them memorized more than they originally had. every single one clearly did better than the mess we had last time. i was frustrated though, because they were a) not FULLY memorized,and anyone who failed still does not have an A (yes, i understand its hard to memorize,but they did have almost 3 months to memorize, and an extra 2 weeks to fix any problems they had! i think if theyre not fully memorized by now, when will they be?) and b) it was a slow process. we were dragging through the read through. we were skipping scenes and huge chunks of dialogue and we're still not done! i just want to hear a full read through, hear how everyone interacts with each other,and we really haven't had that yet.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT. we had a workshop with stacy today and an info session about FDU. i liked that fdu seems very willing to help you take different classes. i mean this was my first ever college info session, but they seemed flexiable with double majoring or major/minoring. the workshop was really fun. it was good to get back into a bit of meisner. though sebastian and i kind of didn't follow stacys direction,(though we tried, we just kind of went with what happened) we got into a bit of repetition and we did follow the "i observe, i perceve" lesson. i enjoyed learning from a different teacher and in a different style.

pg-100
today i ran the read through with katelyn. we ran it as smoothly and as quickly as we could. i also learned how to make excel calculate averages instead of me having to do the math last week,and applied it to our spread sheet.then i participated in the fdu workshop and listened and took notes during the info session.

tuesday's post

so today we went to see the atlantic theatre company and it was a super awesome, totally screws up your mind, pinter experience. so no blogs.

monday's post

today i stayed after to help ms.mac so yay extra credit!

wednesday's post

today was grading day/ learn what we're doing next marking period day.

i wrote down everything for the actors book,even though im not sure if i have to make one for my monologue.

during class it kinda dawned on me, like this is main stage time. i have been saying to katelyn like "this is going to be us in a few months! next marking period!" those few months are almost gone. november is here already and september was like 2 days ago. 2 months and its febuary. thats no time. like, stage managing is about to really start.

so melodramatic.but seriously. im scared. like what if i fuck up the show completely? OH WAIT almost did that already.

i think i was about to pee my pants when you gave me the look of "what did you do??" internally i was freaking out. on the verge of tears, then actual tears. all i was thinking was my first job,and i fucked it up. but luckily! it wasn't as bad as i thought. like seriously thank you for telling me the truth. cause i'd rather hear that i completely fucked up rather than it'll be fine. for future referance.

pg-100
today i took notes on actors book. i worked on the stage managers' book a bit, printing out the rehearsal reports and trying to label everything inside. i gave you the grades from the read through. and sent you the jess/lea letters for evalution,and almost jumped for joy knowing i didn't completely fuck up.

tuesday's post

today we continued with the speed through. me and kcovs i think did a pretty good job of handling it, both days. i just pisses me off to no end that some actors didn't have anything memorized. ANYTHING. we have been saying theres a speed through for forever. and parts were assigned months ago! memorize!

i sympathize i do. its alot for some people, but i think if you feel like you can't handle the part your given, than say something! or try your best! i know its alot to memorize some of the lead roles, but come on! there was so much time to atleast memorize more than a lot of people did.

what really pissed me off was the before time, both on thursday and tuesday. when some people wouldn't even try to look over the lines. they'd be fooling around or when i would say "please look over your lines" they'd close to laugh in my face and say yeah okay. it was driving me crazy. do your job actors,because when actual rehearsals come around, you better know that i will be doing all my job to the fullest for THEIR show and THEIR benifit.

pg-100
today i ran the speed through with katelyn, and i think we did a decent job. it was moving kind of slow through out, but we got it done. i also wrote down everything i had to email to our potential designers. then i cam ehome and counted all the words, calculated the grades, and put them into a very nice google doc after being a super dork and color coating everything.

monday's post

it feels like FOREVER since i've blogged. like i couldn't even tell you why. senior showcase of course,but that was like a week before this right? im not sure,but its back to blogging as usual.

today was MONOLOGUE DAYYYYY. i have to thank katelyn covington for even reminding me of monologues. i had no idea we had them. even though it was in my planner, i haven't looked at that in god knows how long. and with read through and senior showcase to worry about, it slipped my mind just a bit.

but i was prepared as i thought i could be. i was dressed, i paid attention to everyone's monologue, and i was the last to go. which is slightly scary because its usually the one that everyone remembers the most, but i was honestly not thinking about that. i was thinking more about trying to find my place,and if i couldn't i was going to try my best to replicate my monologue with chelsea and casey. yeah, i know we're not supposed to replicate or re-do that we have to react, but i felt like it as either suck alot or suck slightly less because i know what i'm doing. so i tried to really focus on putting someone there. like anyone there to talk to. toward the send there was a loose picture in my mind on who i was talking to (i ended up not mentally replicating) but i see what you mean about me clicking into my monologue to late. i feel like i go in unsure,but after awhile i step into character and everything,and it gets noticeably better.

i got 8th place from the top. just shy of the first half. so not nearly as bad as i thought. i'm actually happy,because i know that it doesn't count for as much for me as it does an actor. i have to widen my foot print. its always been an issue! my dance teacher has said the same thing; im very closed up with my stance. personally, i think it's a tall people thing. or a family thing,because i noticed that my dad does the same thing, he shrinks in on his stance. personally again, it makes me feel smaller, and i love feeling smaller, another tall people thing. BUT i think its an easy thing to correct for me. it'll feel awkward at first but i'll move on.

the freaking pacing and moving!!! it drives even me insane. i hate that i do it, and im not sure why i do. maybe i think it gets too boring when i just stand? i have no idea. or its the tension. i feel loose. but i guess im not. maybe i can't see it on me,or i dont know what to look for. but i just don't get how you see tension, i alwyas thought it was like stiffness like sore muscles, but i warmed up,so i shouldnt be stiff...

i'm sticking to tech. acting just drives me crazy,because i can't wrap my head around how to act and be yourself but a character at the same time.it just baffles me.

pg-100
after my babbling...today i deserve a 100 for dressing what i thought was properly,for an audition. i tried to approch the audition as possitivly as a pessimist can, and hoped for the best. i ended up 8th from the top, which was a shock to me atleast. yay for the middle! i'm really going to try my best to use my feedback nect time we have monologues or do any sort of acting. though now im seriously considering som sort of techincal major over an acting major.

wednesday's post

today we had the anti-bullying assembly so i'm not sure if i should blog?

but anyway we learned how to work our box office today, and i took notes on everything,because i don't want to loose any money during the mainstage. our box office will be trained daily, and we're not loosing money.simple as that.

afterwards, i cried in class. minor tears. just a touchy subject, especially since it's my imediate family. but i'm all good. and i thank the class for being supportive,or atleast not laughing for me crying over a bullying assembly.

pg-100
today i sent out emails about everyone's word count,which i'm seriously staying on top of. katelyn and i worked out how were going to run the read through tomorrow. today i also typed up the rest of my scansion,and my denotative analysis and fixed up my screen play before i email it to you.

tuesday's post

so today we read screen plays. we read ashley's and katelyn's and i gave critism on both. and i read for katelyn's. i really like seeing everyone's almost finished projects because, comparing to the begining of our "workshop" everyone's ideas were scattered and random and not fully developed. now everyone mostly has their characters and most of their plot, and it's fun to see the whole process. i'm really excited to read mine as soon as i can. i've been dying to have mine read,because i really want to see how it's accepted by everyone.

when i first started writing it, it thought the idea was a little out there,and that it wouldn't sound natural,but after what i've learned in our on-going workshop and having a couple of people read it, it feels really good. plus i have a play thats in the process of being fine tuned. i never thought i would like writng because usually my ideas are really scattered,but i keep getting ideas and i just want to write about them, even if they come out like crap.

pg-100
today i read for katelyn's screen play and gave her good feedback. i also gave feedback to ashley about her screen play. i started typing up my scansion today at home. katelyn and i are working on a big google doc for the mainstage, with contacts, roles, the script, and everyone's word count for the speed through. PLUS our stage managers' book is almost done.

monday's post

so today we were going to just get the projectors and the mac out of the theatre,but we ended up cleaning the entire theatre while looking for that projector bag. it did piss me off that so much stuff was in the dressing rooms and the costume loft, and everything was amess. but honestly, i can't get too mad because i know that the sophomore/junior class isn't perfect either. some stuff was from out class, but it was a lot less compared to the freshman/senior. though one positive thing about today is i tried to be on top of jobs for everyone,which i know i'm going to have to get used to soon. and while walking around i saw what we can clean up during our "theatre clean up days".
-i know the cage needs some fixing, but for the most part it's organized.
-the extension cord drawer needs organizing.
-i want to test all the lights and cable because after all our testing during tech week,the good lights got completely mixed up with the bad lights.
-COSTUME LOFT NEEDS MAJOR HELP.
-i think urine town is either going to get cleaned or organized? i know something is happening there.
-move the syke

thats just what i noticed for now.

pg-100
today i helped abbi with the projector when it was going through technical difficulties. i helped clean out the girl's dressing room of all the seniors stuff, threw out any trash in there too. lindsay, fernando, and i started to organize the costume loft, and made a specific rack for people to claim their stuff from all over the theatre. i looked for that stupid projector bag. and i tried to stay on top of everyone's jobs in the theatre,and found new jobs when people were done.

wednesday’s post

today was our third and final day with shawn. we continued with last weeks idea of coming into the space with new eyes. we got to see shawn and elisa work again. and while it’s great to see them work everyday, it just kind of sucks that they end up doing more work than us. i think i would have preferred seeing them for a shorter time,or just watching the students all go. and that way we could all do something.

today i watched scarlett,margie,and abbi do movement. and its interesting to see them like that, scarlett especially,because she’s so different just nin the halls.and its great to see both sides, the public,and the more animalistic/primal side.

it was a great experience with shawn for the past 2 weeks,and although i’m not sure i understood everything, it was great to watch him and elisa work with us.

pg-100

today i read about my experience on monday. plus i watched and took some notes on shawn and elisa’s movement time. i also paid attention to scarlett,margie,and abbi’s movement.

tuesday’s post

today we had the 8th graders come to visit!! it was really exciting to think, these kids could be our freshman next year. and i remeber meeting some 8th graders last year, and how i was in 7th grade and came to talk with you with my mom, and i first met javi. then he asked me what grade i was in and counted to his senior year and said “if you came here i’d be your senior.” it’s funny how i ended up coming to the school and really getting to know javi and the seniors and im here today and everything…

anyway. i got to show a 8th grader how to work the light board. i think that was like a land mark for me. because i remember matt teaching me like the first month freshman year and i just couldnt get it. now i’m teaching someone. HOLY JESUS. then i took my 8th grader on a tour and it surprised me how much i knew after this year and 2 months.

pg-100

today i showed my 8th grader around,and i showed her how to use the light board.i also said all my accomplishments, including my cake internship,which is so fun to say. plus i offered to try my monologue, but you were primarily working with the juniors. and i participated in all our warm up games.

monday’s post

so today was day two with shawn and elisa. first of all. its great to be with shawn, but sometimes i wish he would tell us exactly whats going on. today one second he was talking about coming into the space,and the next he was walking to the wing,coming back and telling us about some sports team. i really wanted to ask,wait what just happened? and then he told kelsey and fernando to do the same thing. i just didnt understand what he wanted them to do. or what he was doing.

but after that we did some movement. coming into the space and just moving. shawn and elisa both went,and the contrast between the two was almost laughable. elisa was soft,slow,and small. shawn was jumping around and spazing out and sort of sighing but loudly. i thought he was going to start screaming,and i was seriously bracing myself for it. but he didn’t.

after they both went, he let us go. lexii and i got picked. i was really excited and happy to go. lexii’s movement went first. i saw alot of testing of her limits with her body. and just seeing what she could do in the space.

then i got to try. at first i had some inner monologue going on, and i was kind of saying what should i do? and i started just doing things i was comfortable,trying to become aware of my body. and after getting used to it i could feel my head start over thinking. and i wanted to say “STOP OVER THINKING” so my body kind of said it for me. i just shook all my thoughts loose and then just went with it. i started just making noise with the floor, with my hands, seeing what changed if i made noise a different way. and just felt very relaxed and stopped thinking about what i was doing. i just played and had fun up there. one moment i remember the most; i was looking at the lights,and then looking away they burn was still in my eye, anywhere i looked. and i saw it,and wanted to catch it. that was all i wanted. i really just had fun and played during my movement!!

pg-100

today i tried my best to understand what shawn wanted us to see. i really focused and tried to understand what he meant about seeing the space with new eyes. i got a chance to do some movement and i felt it was one of the “real-est” times i’ve ever had on the stage. and i think i’m slowly seeing how to stop thinking and relax on stage.

thursday's post

today was our acting time. i went last week, so i didnt get to work today. but i did watch kelsey,scarlett and victoria go today.and i got some notes i can use about seeing your surroundings,and being in the moment. like the false memories i think work a bit for me,but only to see how olivia would act around me if she was interested in me. then i think i can use those false memories to kind of piece it together,and it can help me discover my lines more.

pg-100
i came prepared with my blacks and script. i turned on the stage lights. i listened to kelsey,scarlett,and victoria and wrote down notes they got that i think i can use toward my monologue. then i helped clean up the auditorium for the talent show. i walked through the seats collecting trash,and i cleaned up some crap off of the stage.

wednesday's experience.

of course the one day when so much happened, we dont have to journal since we stayed after.

well i am journaling anyway.because i want to remember my experiences with shawn lewis.

first off, hey there shawn! he's the exact kind of crazy you discribed. but i felt just such a passion and true understanding of himself, his body, his craft. and it was a great thing to see in such a reserved person. i appreciated his,getting on our level, and treating us like peers and friends not students. though at first i wasn't sure where any learning was coming in. i thought he was just walking around and chatting.then his wrods kinda came back to me and i went, oh yeah we are just being right now. i wish i had 5 minutes alone. i wanted to experience it. but i felt like there wasn't much wrong that could be done in class.

i explained this afterward,but i'm a thinker. i over think and pre-paln and it sucks! but i just went with shawns free-flow today and let everything go. i did my own thing, i zoned in and out of shawn's 10 minutes, because it was my 10 minutes too. i didnt have to focus on everything,cause it was mine.MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE. all mine. when we had our giant pile, i didnt have to sit there and slep or lay on people, i can play with the candle or watch scarlette draw or see how many shadows the lights were making on my hands (6 infact) or what colors where on the lights,and how that made me think and feel. they were diming and people were breathing,and theyre moving and not moving. and it was all okay!!

then we had our campfire.which i felt was just fun. just a fun thing to do and say. and it was nice to picture and to feel like it did happen. i feel like it was partially knowing everyone made it more real,and you could see how people would act around a campfire.

then we had our i guess movement/speaking to the sike. monster, monster, monster. this point is when i saw shawn do it,but it wasn't right away. i expected for him to speak as soon as he faced the sike. but no,he took his time to get comfortable and to breathe.which was great. then i got to try. i was scared at first but i just let myself relax,and feel comfortable around myself and then i said monster,monster,monster. i did whatever movement just came to my body.and it felt great.

i do have to give myself a bit of a pat on the back,because on top of acting, i was stage managing a bit. i tried to work the lights (my intentions were there) but you kinda took over since i was in class. i got the cord for shawn. and it just felt like cool to be a stage manager.even if i was not doing much, it still feels cool to be called a stage manager and know that i have responsiblities.

which brings me to, open rehearsal fail. i wish it would have pulled through because i was looking forward to seeing lou direct,and see a director work with professional actors.and to see chelsea stage manage with the actors. and i guess you could say i was a bit of a mini-sm. cause i helped chelsea with getting people on stage, and keeping them under control while she did her sm duties.

all and all it was a very good day. and if you read all that babble,you desrve a metal.

tuesday's post

today we continued our denotative analysis. after our very long discussioon on SATS/PSATS. i know its going to sound negitive,but im terrified for SATS. but then who isn't?

i took more notes on the denotative analysis. and i think we even went a little conotative today. and we're definatly working faster with the text.which is a serious plus. and then today i wrote my first rehearsal report, which i copied off of matt's last year for freshie showcase. so i think the format was pretty good. they just take time. i'm trying to persuade my parents about letting me bring my computer to school.but so far no luck. hopefully i can soon,so the reports can just be typed while were rehearsing.

pg-100
today i took notes on the denotative analysis,which i've been doing,so i have a referance if an actor forgets something,and its also helping me understand the language alot better. plus i participated in our many discussions about lucianna's living arrangements,PSATS/SATS, etc. and i wrote my very first rehearsal report.

monday's post

today we were scanning again. i finished all my scansion,since i only have my monologue. so now i just have to memorize my scansion. plus we took notes on more royal shakespearian videos. god i hate those people. call me jelous or pissed off, but i hate them. because it proves to you over and over how freaking amazing you have to be to be an actor.and its just alot to bite off,that you might not be able to chew.

pg-100
i completely finished my scansion,and it's been aproved by you. now im continueing my search for oprative words. for the most part i understand every word. but when in the monologue i dont understand them, so i dont get the contex of some of the words i guess.so i have more questions! i took notes on the royal shakespearian amaz-a-people. and i'm finishing up my screen play so it makes sense and still tells a similar story as my 20 page script did.

wednesday's participation? thursday and fridays posts

so im not entirely sure if i'm supposed to do participation for wednesday, since we had psats, but just incase here's my participation...

pg-100
today i kept reading twelft night. i worked more on my monologue, and thought about my character and i worked more on my scansion. plus i began my new play "just a pack of gum" which i am super excited about,and if it comes out good it might be my marking level play.

thursday's post

acting thrusdays!!!

i really like thursdays because were actually in the theatre,and i feel like i can actually stage manage, a bit, sort of.like turning on the lights,and running to the classroom. it makes me feel like i have a job in a way.

but anyway, i got to work on my monologue today. which was good, because even if i sucked with my monologue, i got to work on it. i'm learning something. i see how i now have to discover my lines, which i understand. but its hard for me,because i feel like its going to come out fake. so i've been pre-thinking it, which is an old habit, that has worked for years,and since last year it hasn't been as successful, so obviously that has to change. i also learned that i have to see my space in detail,and be able to pull it up when doing my monologue. i think that will also help me with your comment from the beginning of the year which was to "click in" to my monologue from the beginning.this includes knowing my immediate surroundings and the ring i have.

the exorsize today though...yeah make the grade obsesser look for a pencil she can't find and take points off. WHILE having people count and just stare at me. the counting was really driving me insane. because that kept making me think of points dropping off my grade,and not finding the pencil and people being there just WATCHING me. but then on the flip side, when i knew where the pencil was, i was almost afraid to find it! because i felt like, its fake, it doesn't look right, i looks like i was just acting like i was looking for the pencil before; so i skipped over it on purpose. my god, i have to stop thinking.

i think once i work on discovering my lines, it will help alot. not only with shakespeare but acting in general,because i felt like i couldn't "discover" my lines last year with freshie showcase.

QUICK INSPIRING DIRECTORS COMMENT: when emily was going, and she was kind of holding back and laughing, i really saw how almost annoying it was, when she would have the drive and go for it, but then drop it like 5 seconds later. i wanted her so badly to just keep with her drive of the character and her anger comiung out, because it was really making the character. just my thoughts....

pg-100
today i was prepared with my blacks and script. i got to try my monologue today, and thought it was a good learning experience. i'm really going to TRY to just not think, and forget about the people watching because thats all i think about when on stage. i tried to find the pencil , which teahces me to discover my lines. (which i will also work on.) and i'm going to think more about my surroundings to help me click into character.

friday's post

writing day today! i'm really enjoying writing now. last year i was never really fond of writing,but this year i'm enjoying it. i love hearing other people's ideas and how their writing is going. like i wish we could have a week by week update of everyone's projects.

today i did not get to read, but i'm hoping and praying that i get called next week. i'm planning on turing my play into a screen play,because the set would change to much in a play. the one down side is i worte a really good monologue,which is actaully my favorite part of the play, and i'm thinking its going to have to get shortened, or completly taken out. but maybe its for the best, if this screen play turns out well.

pg-100
today i wrote my soc, which again i really want to read. i gave criticism about abbi's piece,which i also got to read, and loved, even in the rough stage its in i loved the story. and i gave feedback on miguel's screen play,  which was interesting, a bit confusing, but it makes you think a bit; and i also read parts of his screen play.

wednesday's post

wednesday's post

so today, i read alittle bit more of twelft night,which honestly i haven't been reading alot.but im going to get back on track now. i refreshed myself on my monologue, so that thing is drilled into my head. DRILLED. and my personal favorite, i began working on a new play, which is from the workshop we had with chris. and its going to be an actual play, because my current play is most likely going to be a screen play. i think it fits better with the topic and with the highschool age group, which the whole play pertains to.

no participation cause we had to take the psats.... not fun.

tuesday's post

more script analysis. its still going good. i'm understanding alot more. though i have a problem with thinking in connotative terms. so im really trying to work on finding meaning behind every single word. i am still taking notes, but i feel that im taking less notes, because i understand more,and anything i dont understand i write down, and the whole explaination when i do. though here's another time when it sucks to be stage manager (OBVIOUSLY i have to understand the script too. and thats not what im saying) because the actors are working on their characters and going deeper into their lines. where i kinda feel, stuck on what to do. just more monologue work, and stage managerly duties, which is hard without an actual stage to manage on.

pg-100
today i took my notes on our denotative analysis of the script. i also helped denotate some of the actors lines. plus i asked questions, so i'm learning alot more about the play, and of course writing it all down. side note: i dont know if i should say that i thought about things happening on stage, i guess i was directing in my head, but since your the director, its your vision. and finally i was on "dictionary duty" as i like to call it, and looked up words for the class.

thursday's and friday's post

thursday's post

today we heard everyone's shakespearian monologues. i had mine completely memorized for class. after everyone read theirs, we started actually working with them, and getting our message across. it was interesting to see how your voice, the scansion, and the analysis really play a part in understanding what people are saying. i can only think of it as a different language. when hearing something you dont understand, the person's tone of voice, their inflections on some words, and their body can show you what they mean, even with out knowing all the words.

pg-100
today i was ready for class with my blacks and my monologue memorized. plus i re-learned how to work the light board. which for some reason i'm never completely remembering. when reading my monologue i only forgot 2 words, and i almost got to work on mine today, but i'm looking forward to working on it next week.

friday's participation.

pg-100
so today we had an unexpected guest artist, chris, who worked on our writing with us. i enjoyed meeting him and hearing about how he was always open to learning more about the theatre. he worked with lights, set, writing, press, and acting. thats how i feel about theatre. i just want to learn as much as i can about everything i can. today i listened to his advice about writing and my writing from today was actually read. i liked my idea alot and im thinking about continueing it into a full play.

tuesday's and wednesday's post

tuesday's post

today we did more denotative analysis,which is getting surprisingly easier-ish? its not easy yet, but its getting to the point where i start to pick up things on my own. but its still step by step, and line by line. listening to a chunk of dialogue, isn't easy yet.but i'm hoping and praying that by the end of this year it will be a bit easier.
and then i'll feel like a genius, because i'll understand shakespeare at the drop of a hat!

pg-100
today i wrote the sat question of the day, which i also got correct! plus i took my notes on denotative analysis (we're finally on scene 2. that only took forever.) and i participated alot in the actual analysis. i'm understanding this alot more than last week, and thats a real improvement from just last week!

wednesday's post

today we watched the royal shakespearian company's video lesson.

HOLY CRAP.

these people are insanely insanely insanely INSANELY good. you said they were faking, but i could not tell for the life of me. their faking is better than me on my best day. which is expected. they are freaking acting monsters, obviously they can kick a 15 year old's ass into the ground. i was just blown away by how much work needs to be done to get close to their level.

thats why i was..."depressed" i guess today. because i was thinking how much work i would have to do to become an actor, and how im not sure if i can get to that point, if i have the mental muscle to work to that. so then my mind kind of started racing around and i went through director, writer, techie. directors need the same "education" as actors, possibly more than that. i'm not the greatest of writers, and im not super technical in the tech side, so i just kept thinking, little techie, little techie, little techie.

it has not been a good week so far for me. sorry if i scared you with my sad expression.

pg-100
i took notes today about the shakespeare MASTERS. its crazy you trained with one of them. i'm both scared and terrifed for more shakespeare. but its a good terrified. i think. i really learned alot about acting with shakespeare, and i saw how you still can make it truthful even when your not as used to the dialogue he uses. im looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow use these tips with our monologues tomorrow.

monday's post

so more scansion. i really dread it now. scansion is like a roller coaster, you dont get it, then you think you get it, but no theres another turn and you have no idea whats going on. today we got extra help with our individual monologues and lines. thank god. i had everything scanned! i thought it was okay. but today i re-scanned alot of it. and found opprative words. and performed it infront of the class.

let me just say, holy crap. i was not at all ready. and it sounded like crap even for me. it kinda just proved a point when scarlett said she didnt understand it. i heard it not making much sense. and i've been thinking that everything would just work out when i said it. and it doesn't. well not everythig just work out, but that the i.p. would just work alot better. and onto of that we have character work and truthfulness! when i originally scanned it, everything sounded fine. i was saying line by line out loud to know that all the accented and unaccented words were right.but i guess not.

i'm just really un happy with how class went today for me. my monologue was off, my scansion was off, and im not great with the opperative words. just a general bad day.

and my blog is making no sense. in summary today sucked. im so pissed that i sucked with my monologue because everyone else seems to just be able to say it! i can't. not that everyone is doing great, but i feel like everyone just gets shit that i dont. i really hate shakespeare. i understand that its me who has the problem with his writing, and that i need to get educated but im so annoyied with this stuff. i hate not getting this. i seriously do.

pg-100
today, even though i suck with shakespeare, im trying. i deserve a 100 for trying as hard as i can to understand the i.p. and the opperative words and all of it.i also deserve a 100 today for basically getting to be the crap example to the class. and i deserve a 100 for re-doing all of my lines in the i.p. and looking for the opperative words.

friday's participation

today was more of our writing workshop. i find it really great to see people's creativity and how everyone expresses themself. i'm DYING to go. i'm so excited because i haven't really worked on my play in almost a month, because i want to take feedback from dan, from friends outside of school, and then from our workshop to make a improved project.

pg-100
 i gave feedback to kelsey and scarlett and im really trying ot get the hang of  saying more of your emotional response then a "this is what you should change" response. and i can see how that helps the writer more than telling them what to do. because it hurts when your told to write a certaint way by someone who is a peer. its your style, write how you want. i'm excited for more pieces when people begin to share more. i'm enjoyinh writing,but it feel like its better just for me; i dont think it could be a great career,but it could be a fun hobbie/outlet of creative juices.

wednesday and thursday's posts

wednesday's post
today we finished up our scale drawings of the stage. john's and mine actually came out pretty good. it could have been a bit cleaner, but for the most part it was pretty close to the scale models we had to draw. it wasn't easy,even thogh i've done scale drawings before its not easy. i want to try it again on a drafting table. i miss doing those drawings in 8th grade.

i'd also love to see lea draw our set. it would be great to see how an actual set designer works with a script and a director. it would also be cool to see how she draws the designs, or however she makes them. then its kind of like seeing the set come together from step one. then we have the experience building it. plus im sure lea's drawings are FAR bertter than our attempts.

pg-100
today john and i worked together to finish up our stage drawings. i drew some of the lines as well as measure the diagram. i learned how to label our work properly. i give lea so much of my respect, or any set designer ever.because that is no small task.plus today i found out a little bit more about my stage managing duties. i'm going to look up anything i can find about calling a show and how to take notes on directing as well as being a stage manager, before rehearsals start.

--------------------------------

thursday's post

acting thursdays. i have to say these are the days i almost regret not acting in the play.because you see everyone else running lines with each other and developing their characters,and although i have a monologue to memorize and work on, its second to the mainstage obviously. so it sucks to be almost out of the loop of the acting half of the show and more on the tech side.but its also really good to learn this early how to work,partly at least, on my own with shakespeare.

plus im starting to see how being a stage manager isn't being completely out of the acting. today i went up with miguel since the person he was talking to wasnt here. i was reacting to what he was saying and staying in the moment, plus i was reading lines for the actors.

pg-100
i'm very proud of myself today. not only was i prepared for acting, but i helped miguel today with his scene. then i was on book for the actors and gave them their line notes.then i helped bring the covers onto the pit. i also learned how to work the light board thanks to lexii. finally after class i turned off the stage lights, the light board,the wing lights, then turned off the house lights after everyone left.

tuesday's post

so we table work today, and last week i was drowning. i didn't know who i was supposed to write down any notes we had and i wasn't really understanding alot of the text. today i actually understood it! i know how i can keep track of what we go over and im really starting to get the hang of shakespeare.

 today we continued with the duke and ageion's scene together. i actually caught on to some of the comedy in this scene. i thought it was really serious and a real fight for ageion's life, but it is funny. it is actually a comedy.

surprisingly i'm excited for more work with the scrpit. i like understanding what shakespeare is saying!! so the iambic pentameter and table work is coming together and making tons more sense than last week or even last year reading romeo and juliet in english class.

pg-100
today things were finally clicking in my head with the script. i participated alot in our disscussion today. and i had the beginings of my stage manager's binder, complete with my script and paper for my notes about the script. plus i figured out away for me to keep track of our disccusion in my notes that i can understand later.

monday's post

scansion
cue the dramatic music of dun DUN DUNNNN.

scansion wasn't actually too bad today. last monday i was scared out of my mind with scaning,but now im a little happier with it. because today we learned to make our own choices with it! i did not know that was, like an option...i thought there was one way to say everything and if you get it wrong you sound stupid. well lexii today proved me wrong,she said her line 2 different ways accenting and un-accenting, and both sounded fine. you could hear her choices in each one. so that gave me some hope that its not as hard as it seems.

plus today we got to not only say our lines but act them (sort of) obviously were not being 100% truthful and what not, but were shakespearian scansion babies.we can't be perfect.

my lines today were...
" i left no ring with her. what means this lady?
fortune forbid my outside have not charmed her."

my problems were...
-i couldn't make lady sound like a question. i think i was just scared to act. i get so nervous just being in class and having everyone around watching, on stage its different. but in the classroom like today, and i don't know my lines completely and im not sure how to say it, and blah blah blah, i just get really nervous. then i get my stupid nervous smile at the end...
-I couldn't stop over emphisizing MY pronouns. I left no ring with her. sounds really stupid. and it was hard to not say. I'M not sure why. I really want to focus on that now because I feel like I say it with everything!! normal speech and on stage. so I'M really going to watch for my pronouns.
-my "fortune forbid" line. i need to think of a way to say that where it doesn't come off stupid. i'm saying "oh my god! please dont let this happen!" which i say in real life, but i need to get that meaning under the shakespearian for it to sound right to me.

pg-100
so today, i came prepared in class with my lines scanned, regardless how messy they were writen. i really paid attention in class to fix my scansion because i have been struggling with it alot. and i feel alot more confident about it now. i'm starting to hear the natural flow that comes with just saying it. obviously i need to stop thinking so much (but then what else is new?) and relax about getting anything wrong sometimes. anyway, i took my notes in class and by the end i really started to get a grip on scansion. then at home i continued memorizing my monologue and reading more of the play.

thursday and friday's post

so thursday.shakespeare. just shoot me now.
i'll be honest, i have not done much homework on my monologue at all. i barely read the play. but thursday definatly scared the shit out of me into doing the homework. i've realized that just being a stage manager doesn't mean i shouldn't understand the play COMPLETELY. i need to know it just as much as an actor would have to,and probably even more than that.

so from now on,i can't afford to be lazy if i want to be my kick ass stage manager self.

besides that.im not sure if my i.p. on my monologue sounds quite right (thats about the only thing i've really done with it) and i'm not sure if i'm completely understanding what is even going on in my monologue (again lazyness.i'm really pissed about that.) so i'm going to spark notes,im going to read the play un untill my monologue to further understand it.then i will memorize it (or at least start to) and i'll have it down by the end of the month.

pg-100
today katelyn and i tried our best to understand the monologues.i have to say i feel a bit left out,because everyone else can talk about one play and understanding that one play, i kinda have to know two,and denotate it by myself,or with katelyn and help from you of course. so i'm definatly feeling the pressure of that, but thats really what i chose,and im happy with my choice none the less. i realized today that this is going to take alot of effort,and im promising here on blogger to hold that promise.

friday's participation
pg-100
today was writing.which im starting to like more and more,i actually enjoyied soc writing today.also i'm listening to the feedback form today and thinking about what i said to other's works and how that can help my own script. i'm actually thinking about possibly changing my play into a screen play and how i can further that characters and make them more dynamic. im hoping next week i can share with the class either my soc or what i've been working on.

tuesday's post

so today was headshots!
well i'm hoping mine were good. apparently i'm photogenic? i honestly have never heard that. and i wasn't being as cheezy which is good.

today we also had a half day, so we worked on our goals,cleaned,and decorated the classroom. my goals were
-to make honor roll or almost high honor rool every marking level.
-loose 20 pounds by the end of the year.
-and to be a kick ass stage manager.

i really want to focus on my grades. after alot of talks with my parents, i see that i'm doing well when not really giving my 100% so how well can i do with 100%? simple logic thats going to be hard to keep up.

i also want to loose 20 pounds...now alot of people would say i dont have to.but my thought is that i want to be in shape as much as possible. i gained weight over the school year and the summer, and thats was because i was really un-healthy. and i really want that to change.

finally be a KICK ASS stage manager. after seeing chelsea last year, i really want to try my hardest and do well. chelsea was an s.m. and was all by herself  leading the show for the last week of tech. it was really great to see her work so well. and i would want to be as good as she was.

pg-100
today i came ready for headshots. i helped organize the book shelves with kelsey. plus i made my goal poster and i'm really looking forward to accomplishing all my goals like i did last year.being a kick ass stage manager is easily my favorite goal to accomplish.

monday's post

in class we did iambic pentameter, which is a pain in the ass. i mean its great if you understand it,but i just dont get why we have to talk like that. why is there beats and syllables involved? why did shakespeare want people to talk like that?

though i'm actually getting how to do the i.p but what i dont understand is how you act with that? just me saying it with the accents sounds forced and pretty stupid. then again i just learned it today,and were going to learn to say it in a natural way.

memorizing is going well,and im trying to use the i.p when memorizing now, but like i said it sounds kind of stupid. im guessing were going to work on i.p. and acting on thursday? i hope so because i'm hoping it will help me understand the flow of i.p. more.

we have head shots tomorrow! i hate pictures so much. and last year i really didn't like my headshot. i'm going to try to wear something simplier this year,and not blue because my eyes don't look good with blue; i learned that after last year. hopefully i'm not as stiff or fake like i was last year.

pg-100
today i really tried with the i.p. i took my notes and tried it on the board during class. i think something just wasn't clicking, so i went home and worked the i.p. into my monologue and i think i did a pretty good attempt. im not sure if everything is right,but i really did try to understand it on my own today.

friday's particiaption.

pg-100
today we had writing,and we wrote a soc,which i have such a love hate relationship with.but i did my soc,and then i tried to participate in the discussion,but i didnt really know some of the movies we were discussing.i also took notes on plot,theme,charatcer and diction.then we brain stormed a bit about our play/screen play.im still not sure what im going to do,but i came up with some good ideas.

thrusday's post

so today we had 6 people cry/or start to cry, 3 newbies try repition,and alot of people getting annoyied. WELCOME BACK MISNER!!

today was interesting to say the least.i didnt realize how much i like misner work.all last year i would get really nervous on acting days,or dread doing repition,my monologue,movement or anything really.i really want to work on letting go of that this year,and just do what i came to east brunswick to do,and thats learn.its okay to screw up over and over and OVER,because i'm still learning and getting something out of it.

it's school,screw ups happen.

i felt like today was my best try at misner.i tried to stop thinking,and say what came to my head.my first try wasn't great,but the secondtime felt better and,i'm hoping im breaking down my wall some what.and i'm looking forward to reading twelft night so i can learn viola's monologue.i just got my new norton, so here i come shakespeare!

it was also great to see tanaj,miguel,and fernando try repitition for the first time, i know last year i was scared SHITLESS to try misner.i guess it was partly because we had the seniors as partners, who were intimitating just sitting in class,on stage looking into your eyes,reading into your soul....it's enough to make you cry.so i was really happy to see our newbies try repition today.

misner today just made me excited for next thursday, and more acting.

pg-100
today i brought my blacks and was read for work.i paid attention to everyone else's misner work.and i also got to go today with katelyn,and felt that i did a good job,and that i improved from last year.i'm excited to keep working on my acting this year,since we didnt get to work on acting as much last year.

wednesday's post

today we finished the feedback on our monologues. i have to say that i was a bit surprised that i did well-ish.i definatly understood my corrections.my big one being that i think too much. i ALWAYS hear that. from my dance teacher,from singing and acting coaches in the past. it's insane.but i dont get how you dont think! like how can you shut off your "real self" ? like while i'm in character, so jeannie, how do i stop michelle from being there too? you just shut off? i never ever got how you can stop your thinking.everyone says just do it,but i odnt know why thats so hard for me to wrap my head around!!! so frustrating.

besides that, we finished our set design-sketch things/free draws/mind socs. (i some how stopped thinking there!) i felt like i explained what i understood from ashley, which worked. her idea was actually something i didnt think about when i read romeo and juliet,so i thought it was really creative that way. oleanna on the other hand; i keep reading it,hoping i understand what is happening and each time i dont really get it untill the middle of the play,when the sexual harasment charges are brought up.and even then its kind of just an idea of what the characters actually mean. so me explaining it to ashley probably sounded like a crazy person.but she said exactly what i was thinking,so something must have happened there.

then we discussed the frames of theatre. which i got fairly well.frames really help the set designers see just the world they are creating.i also really love the idea of a thrust stage. because i feel like it not only puches the audiance into the world, but can make them see a more "full world" because you can see the set alomost like a real room, your at one spot yet you see things in 3-D. even if its more difficult i think thats the best way to see a show.

pg-100
today i got my feedback from my monologue,and took notes on them. i also presented ashley's set idea to the class. i participated in the shoe game,even though i got out early. then i took notes on the frames of theatre,and participated in the discussion by asking alot of questions.

tuesday's post

today we learned the cast list finally.and even though i'm not cast, i still wanted to know.

it's so weird to say that i'm a stage manager/assistant director.its usually chelsea,and it's weird to think she woun't be the one to scream for when we dont know something,it will be me and katelyn...so crazy to think about.i'm really nervous,because obviously i'm going to be compared to chelsea who was great last year,and any other stage managers the upperclass men had in the past.and i just want to do my best.

today we worked on table work. i have serious mixed feelings about this.for one, i understand the text for the most part. but not like we were working today. i guess i get the denotative analysis,not connotative.word for word i have no idea what they mean exactly.but i do get what they mean as a whole.

another thing that was driving me crazy,was the note taking. i sound like such a nerd, but i really had no idea how to write down what we were all saying without going word for word.then we had grammer lessons on top of that,so my notes look like someone was listening to a lecture then got attacked and was told to continue writing. so i guess i need to figure out a way for me to listen and take nots,and not go crazy.because half of my frustration with the table work was taking notes! and it really shouldn't be!

pg-100
today, i tried my best with shakespearian table work. though i know for a fact i was lost with the grammer,i took notes and i'm ready for more next week.the parts of speech, were not easy to recognize, but i sort of understood what the characters were saying, though more in a general sense.i guess sort of getting it is better than being completely lost.and we still have a few more months to work on this.im sure i can get it soon.

first post of the year!

welcome back to journals.
i missed these.

comedy of errors, was really confusing at first. i was thrown off by the shakespearian lingo at first, so i used spark notes along the way to make sure i was getting everything i needed to get. and if i didnt understand what was going on, i went back and re-read. i was surprised because after awhile i started getting what they were saying and talking about. like dromio e says at one point

"nay he's at two hand with me and that my two ears can witness."

so he's kind of saying that antipholus was mad at him,and he hit him in the head. because dromio's ears can witness to his hands.

so i'm happy that im getting the hang of it. even when reading at auditions today,i got what was going on hearing other people say it.

auditions though,i was freaked. like i've never liked auditioning for anything.mock auditions or real auditions or anything,they scare the living crap out of me.i know its a part of the biz and all, but its still a slightly scary experience.

i'm really excited for this year though. last year i kind of dabbled in alot. tech and then acting. we didnt go into directing so much,or at all really. but i really enjoy everything,and i want to know whats out there.because im not huge on my acting abilities, there are other things i would want to look into.

pg-100
today i came prepared for auditions, dressed properly (i hope), and didnt have stilleto heels this time. i had my monologue prepared from last year,and was pretty happy with how it went. i got to cold read a few times, and it was exciting to see the full auditon process for our shows. im also excited for the oppertunity to call the show.

tuesday's post

today we ran though the show again.with all the light changes and sound.we also got notes from yesterday since we didn't have time before.emily told us to keep up our volume and that i need to make in clear why i'm coming on stage.

pg-100
today we ran through our scene and emily thought we did very well.lou also told everyone that the show is looking really good.

monday's post

today we were in the theatre again and we did a full run through.we had partial lights and sound.its really exciting to see the show actually happening after all this time.i'm scared/going crazy about the show,finals,end of school everything.

pg-100
today margie and i worked on raising our stakes and really getting mad at each other.plus i learned how work with margie if she starts to up-stage me during the scene and how to push her beack down stage.

wednesday’s post

today we watched javi and dan’s scenes. for dans’s scene they worked through all of their blocking and abbi’s flashbacks. i really like how they worked it.and they got a note that i think helps in my scene too, that as an actor you except your tactics to work,you never expect to fail at something.

with javi’s scene thay also worked their blocking. theirs is really interesting to watch because you have to pay attention but with the blocking they make it very clear that the characters and time are changing.i also really like the changing of john’s costume as he gets older,they add a tie and button his shirt to go along with his phases in life, which looks really cool.

pg-100

today i paid attention to both scenes and i’m really enjoying seeing the blocking and looking at their processes.they are different from how i imagined them and i really like that.both scenes are surprising me.

tuesday’s post

today we worked on our essays.emily and i read over mine and made corrections together,we also went over any questions i had about corrections on my last draft.then we had a lesson on “to be” and to avoid it to make our writing stronger.we had a code red drill so that kind of cut out of some of our class time.

pg-100

i’m really happy with how my paper is turning out.i’m going to work on the corrections that emily gave me and that you gave me for my final and hopefully it will be even better. plus i participated in today’s lesson on “to be”.

monday’s post

so today we did my scene and katelin’s scene. for katelin’s scene i’m really starting to notice the distinct differences that are between the characters. kelsey and katelyn are doing a really good job showing the differences. even in their physicality its seen.katelyn is very strait up in her seat and proper,while kelsey is more slouched and plotting. kelsey is also doing a really good job with getting aggressive and making katelyn feels stupid. on the other hand i think katelyn is doing a really good job being surprised by kelsey every time and learning in the scene.

as for our scene we worked alot on blocking and we also have to be alot louder. i have to follow my impulses more and i really have to work on when to be mean and make margie feel stupid and when to console her. as well as know when to take a beat on lines.

pg-100

i’m really enjoying watching the scenes come along. i wrote down all my blocking as well as notes on my lines and when i should be mean or comforting. i’m going to really listen to my impulses (and hopefully they make sense)

friday’s particiation

pg-100

today most of the class went to the ice cream social.so not much happened today.but i sent my 2nd draft to emily for more corrections and i went over my lines and tried to work on my character body.

thursday’s post

today we watched wandering again and we worked on my scene again.

with wandering,they worked a lot on blocking.which is really important for this scene the most i think,because it helps show the transitions of time better and today they worked on one part when john is getting examined for the draft i’m guessing,and cypi says this whole list of actions for him to do,ending in a cough.and the blocking they have john do is really funny along with cypi’d lines.

for my scene,i think i felt some improvement after two days. i still have to be WAY more agresive and really think about my charatcer body because i’m still feeling awkward.plus when being agressive,i have to start sort of hurting margie because that’s how i kind of convince her to not get her baby.

pg-100

i’m really trying hard to work on the notes i get from lou.and at first i wasn’t sure how to use the notes lou gave me but now i’m trying to really use them and im understanding them a lot more.

wednesday’s post

today i took notes on napkin and got to work on my scene.

so for napkin,lou was really pushing for the first line to be truthful and for katelyn to believe it.which i always think about because i have the first line and i want it to be truthful,and not just some random line.

in napkin, the entire play they have realizations back and forth about how to save the w.civ. and what i really love is how kelsey and katelyn always seem to realize these things like its the first time they’ve done it.also the characters use what they know to make this plan.so it comes really naturally to them to mkae this business plan.i also really like that the whole plan is really a game to them,but they take it so seriously,have their fun,and then drop it and come back into their reality.

as for my scene,its a lot different working with lou and the entire class watching than just with our group.but i’m enjoying it.

for my character, we figured out she is a thinker,so that means she works from the head (which i’m still unsure about how to use.) a lot of the time i’m making margie feel stupid,to convince her she can’t have this kid.and i feel like there is a lot of dark-ish feelings about the baby.i think i always felt better than her,simply because i was more responsible,and now her having a child and having all this difficulty with giving it up just proves that.

lou told me that i don’t know what to do with my hands and i really agree.i have to work on my character body i think,because now its really just me being my awkward self.

i also have to be more aggressive,because its more than just a friend and friend relationship, its a mother/daughter relationship which i’m really starting to see now, so its like a disobedient child i’m dealing with.plus i have a lot of hatred for this baby,so in return,hatred for shelia.

pg-100

today i not only took notes,but worked on my own scene and made a lot of discoveries about my character.the scene is coming along really well and i really enjoy working on it.in rehearsal now i’m going to focus on being truthful,less awkward,and working on my character body.

tuesday’s post

today we continued our note taking with wandering and departures.i’m actually really enjoying seeing everyone’s showcases and the notes are really helping everyone improve.

with wandering,i was at first really confused about the play.i didn’t understand it and i didn’t see how it could be performed on stage.but today i really started to get it.emily and cypi got a really good technique for their character bodies.by finding how each character stands and what actions they would do,and finding if they are a thinker,feeler,or doer.it really makes each character stand out and i think it helped them become a lot stronger with each character because they’re more sure about the physicality of the character.

for departures this is i think the second or third time i’ve seen lou work with them.they are really starting to look and act like sisters, to me.abbi’s asides are really cool.i like how lexii is now still in the “real world” while she gives abbi her time to have her talk with he audience, or herself i guess to lexii.and i also like how abbi is really talking to the audience because then it seems more real to her,like she’s explaining something to herslef or like this group of on-lookers he has following her.

pg-100

today i took notes on wandering and departures.mostly i wrote down any notes that i could apply to my acting.like from wandering to motivate your blocking, instead of just doing it, the blocking becomes a lot more realistic when there is actual drive behind the character.and from departures to really mean your lines,and if you’re talking to the audience or another character you have to react truthfully to any reactions you get,not just what you think should have happened.

friday’s post

pg-100

i emailed my 2nd draft out last night so today i continued reading oleanna.besides that, we didn’t do much today in class because everyone was mostly done with their 2nd drafts or were emailing them out today.so not much happened today in class.

thursday’s post

today lou worked on individual scenes which were napkin and departures aka kp and dan’s scenes.anyone who wasn’t in the scenes took notes on the scenes and the notes given at the end to use those notes when working on our scenes.

pg-100

i took notes on both scenes and i did find notes that i could apply to my acting

-find your different tctics, and change them so it doesn’t become boring

-think about your intentions when saying lines

-find your point of view about characters

i’m going to think about these and when we get to work with lou i’ll have some things prepared.

wednesday’s post

so today we worked with lou again and on our scenes.we warmed up with the dancers today since ms.mack was busy. then in our groups we had a couple of speed throughs and ran the scene a few times.plus we finally started blocking.

pg-100

i did well in the warm up today.and i remembered most of my lines during the speed thoughs.i worked hard when we ran though our scene, and with the new blocking we started.

tuesday’s post

today we worked on our papers or monologues.i got corrections on my first draft from emily, so i worked on finding a new monologue.i got oleanna by david mamet.i read it once and i’m in the process of re-reading it and i’m looking at some of the monologues carol has.

pg-100

my 2nd draft is coming along,and i read a play.so now i’m re-reading it and searching for monologues.i’m debating on changing it or continuing to use my original from fat pig.plus i’m going over my scene for freshman showcase everyday.

monday’s post

day 2 of acting.we played the hacky sack game again.i really like that as a warm up.then we broke up into our scenes to work on them for a bit.then we got to see some of the other scenes work which was fun and interesting because i tried to listen to try to find anything that i could use in my scene.

pg-100

so today we worked on our scene.and liu gave me alot of things to work with.i’m starting to figure out and like define things about my friend and her baby.and its starting to flow alot better i think.

friday's post

today we got to ACT again.i missed it so much.we worked with loius on repetition and a game where we focused on making our partner look better,we would throw hacky sacks at each other, focusing on throwing it, and not making our partner look stupid and direct the focus on them and make them look better.it was pretty fun and interesting because i didn't used to think that doing something like that was beneficial.

pg-100
today i participated in the hacky sack game round one and two.then i did repetition with cypi and then with dan.dan totally called me out on faking it at first,and i have to admit i pre-planned.but i eventually got to being truthful because when louis asked us ow we knew if we were being truthful,dan said "if your partner says they want to kick you in the face and mean it." which i defiantly did at one point,so i'm doing alot better with misner than the begining of the year.

thursday's post

we worked on our papers soe more today.i got the 3 main points of my paper done.so i have a good majority of it done for friday.besides that we didn't do much so i'm really not sure what to write about for my blog.

pg-100
so i got to listen to my ipod when working.i made a HELL of alot of progress.i also helped john with some of his paper as well.matt and dan helped me with my paper a bit.im doing pretty good with this.


Alexa Schweer= BESTESTEST FRIEND =]

wednesday's post

today we teched for ms.mack's show.i learned how to lay marly.i also got to un-hang lights in the catwalk.which is always fun.but at like 2:20 i got to go to the honor role ice cream social.go 5 A's and 2 B's.this time around i'm geting all A's, i refuse not to.

pg-100
today i roled marly with everyone and i helped role up the syke, which is ridiculously heavy.i got to go in the catwalk with kelsey and lexii to un-hanfg lights,plus i got ice cream in the same day.

tuesday’s post

today we didn’t really have class, instead we helped tech for national honors society.so it was a pretty boring day.i helped clean,sweep,and started to clean up the costume loft.

pg-100

i cleaned a wing today with lexii and katelyn.i also swept the whole wing by myself.i helped sort wood with john for a bit,but then i started cleaning and reorganizing the costume loft with katelyn and dasauna,which has made some progress.

monday’s post

so today i worked on my 1st “body paragraph”.its the only thing i can think of calling it.its easier than i thought with the outline as a guide.then today we were also reminded of our auditions at the end of the year.i’m seriously thinking of getting a new monologue,i like mine but i think i should try something new.so i’m going to search through the norton for anything.

pg-100

today i worked more on my paper and i worked on refreshing my memory on my old monologue.plus i thought of other monologues for me.

friday’s participation

pg-100

today was sort of a down day.i didn’t have my newer outline,but i worked on my paper as much as possible.plus i think i’m going to start writing this weekend because i have the beginings to some points in my outline.

thursday’s post

today i presented, i guess, my homework on martin scorsese.he has done so many movies its absolutely insane.i didn’t even list all the movies he’s directed,because i left out all of his documentaries, and there are still alot of movies,which won and were nominated for alot of awards.like holy jesus martin scorsese.

and i came prepared today with my first attempt at my outline.and while i was attempting a REALLY rough first draft, i realized that i needed so much more information than i had.even though there isn’t alot i could find about the director and cinematographer at my first google-ing, i wrote a list of all the questions that i had to answer to write my report and that was my self assigned homework tonight.

pg-100

today i assigned myself a page full of google-ing,reading,and comprehending homework.plus i came prepared with my 1st outline today,which after all the homework, will be fixed up and have real useable information.i’m going to rock this report if it kills me.

monday,tuesday,and wednesday’s posts

so monday we had a math and english test to take in the computer lab,and i can’t remember at all what it was called.but we were only in class for about the last 5-10 minutes,because it went from the begining to the end of shop.

then on tuesday i wasn’t feeling good in the morning so i stayed home from school.

then comes wednesday.where i found out about the homework assignment on a director that i missed from tuesday.then we went over how to outline for our reports on all the president’s men.plus the seniors told us who to look at for our reports.i decided to write on the camera work and structure.so i looked up information about the styles of alan j pakula and gordon willis,the director and cinematographer.

pg for wednesday – 100

today i took notes on how to write our outlines for all the president’s men,plus i went over my notes and found what i could apply to my report.then i went home and did alot of research on all the presidents men and i also finished my director homework on martin scorsese.

friday’s participation

pg-100

today we wrote a soc for the first time in a long time.i wrote and read mine.then i compared notes with some other freshies,and i thought about what topic i could write my paper on.i have a somewhat good start on the report.

thursday’s post

today we finished all the president’s men.i really enjoyed the whole movie,though sometimes it was fast with all of the names that were thrown around during the investigation,so i was a tad confused by the plot so that why i’m thinking of focusing my report on something visual.obviously thats what movies are about, is what you see.i just felt that the visual was easier to talk about plus i thought about that alot because it was different from what i’m used to seeing.the lighting and color of the set,i guess you’d call it.the acting was very realistic and honest but i was just way more interested in the visual and the camera angles and that side of the film.

pg-100

today i paid attention and enjoyed the movie and i really tried to follow the names more this time as apposed to yesterday.i took more notes on the movie and i participated in the after movie discussion.

wednesday’s post

we got to see all the president’s men!i really like it so far.i mean the plot is kind of confusing me, just because they jump from person to person so fast.but one thing i really like is the dialogue and how fast it moves and how realistic it is,like they stumble over words and change them around and talk over each other.it just seems very realistic to me.plus the camera is really interesting.sometimes it stays in one place for a long time while the action moves around in an out of view.plus there seems to be alot of voice overs,you see some character or something,but you hear another person’s voice.i thought those were very interesting points.and the lighting was also really natural,like the main characters carl and bob were in their car,and the camera was looking at them straight on,the only light on them was the street lights or other car’s headlights.for the most part you didn’t see their faces at all.

pg-100

today i watched the movie and took notes on the camera angles and the lighting as well as any thing the seniors hinted at us about the character,plot,or camera choices.i’m really enjoying the movie itself,and i’m starting to notice alot more on my own.

tuesday’s post

today we took notes on the watergate scandal as our backround for all the president’s men.which helped alot because i had only a vague knowledge of the watergate scandal with nixon.but since we didn’t have the movie we couldn’t start watching it.so instead we watched catch me if you can so we could start noticing things we have to use in our analysis of all the president’s men.which really helped because the seniors were constantly pausing it so we could talk about what we saw and what we could use to write better in the future.

pg-100

today i took notes on the watergate scandal and on how to write better essays/analyses on films.hopefully it improves my writing when watching films and reading plays because im always lost on what to look for and write about.

monday’s post

so today we took notes/learned about film.i don’t know which interests me more.theatre or film.theatre just seems more simple to me.obviously both are extremely difficult and complex.but film is such a larger production than theatre.we learned about the people in a film crew and what they do exactly.like the director,editor,producer(s),director of photography/cinematographer,and more people.then we went over the powerpoint.

one major question i have about film is would the acting be different than on stage?and if is is then how do you train for that?or is it the same acting just one is live the other on screen?

monday’s participation

pg-100

today we took notes on film history.film is looking interesting to me.its just such a different world than theatre,and thats all i’ve ever done.what i found was the most interesting was how they viewed films “back in the day”.like the magic lamp.its just cool to see how to it was and how it is.

friday’s post

pg-100

so why do i deserve a 100 today?because i was told that freshman showcase is going way down the toilet, and i sat a cried about our show being completely fucked over.we worked hard all year and it completely sucks that there is absolutely nothing we can do anymore for this show.we have so few options,and each one sucks.this whole situation is un-fair because after all the work we have done not just for freshman showcase,but senior showcase,and mainstage, we don’t get our time,even after being scaled back,its just not going to be what we deserve.there absolutely NO where to pin the blame because so many factors are involved.i just want our show to have a chance so that freshman get a time to show what the fuck we can do!!the seniors are doing all they can,and so is everyone else that is able to help,but its just in no way possible to work anymore!i have really lost a lot of faith in having the show at all the way it was intended.i want it to happen,but how much is actually possible at this point?

i deserve a 100 because i cried for a period and a half,over something that i can not personally fix.

thursday’s post

today i really didn’t have a rehearsal,emily and matt were absent of course,and then margie went home sick.so i stayed in katelin’s rehearsal which was run by daria.while the actors were working i went into the boys dressing room and read all my lines and worked on my diction with my cork.

pg-100

today i worked more on my diction,plus i was respectful with katelin’s rehearsal group.i stayed quiet while they ran lines and had their rehearsal.

wednesday’s post

so today was a production day,and i helped move platforms from the trailer, and on stage.which is a giant pain in the butt.but besides that not much teching could be done because of the graduation tonight.

so after that emily helped me a lot with getting my lines finalized in my head,and to run them more so they are defiantly stuck up there and margie got a chance to work with me for my costume.

pg-100

by today i have my lines drilled into my head.plus my costume will be finalized shortly!hopefully!which is very exciting.and today i moved a lot of platforms which is insanely tiring and i really hate.so i deserve a 100 for moving giant black table tops.

tuesday’s post

rehearsal again today,not a lot of “practice” was being done. today we worked on trust, and making a connection between me and margie.

we i guess you could say “attempted” trust falls, but my extreme fear of being lifted or falling back kind of prevented that…and made me sound a bit crazy.instead margie and i took turns being blind folded and leading the other around the theatre.i think it really helped me personally,because i was trying to figure out where we were walking incase i tripped or something i would at least have an idea of where the hell i was in the theatre, but at some point while walking around i just gave up and just let margie lead.

plus today we worked on articulation,which i absolutely am learning to hate.corks are not fun to use or to say “of” “butt” “that” or “baby”. i know my articulation sucks, but i really don’t like working on it.

and finally we know what moments we now have to work on.so that i’m guessing is the plan for tomorrow.

pg-100

today i came prepared for rehearsal,and begin working on my articulation.i’m sure my parents will be annoyed with me and my cork soon enough.and i’m fixing up my given circumstances.and today i worked on trust exercises which is one of my big issues.so hopefully it will really show and help the scene.

monday’s post

so today, after a gtalk chat with our teacher,we had rehearsal for freshman showcase.

today margie and i finally got to run lines standing up, which helped a lot,because the lines “feel” better when there is action going on.

i also seriously have to work on my tactic sheets.because currently they are blank and i think they would help.along with my moment before,because today in rehearsal, emily had me enter through the dressing room door and while outside i was trying to get into as much character as i could by using my moment before,but i still felt myself grow into character during the run, so i guess i just need to really focus on my moment before.

i also really need to figure out my character’s body.matt pointed out to me today that i still look like a 15 year old.and an awkward one at that.so i need to think of that older looking stance.i know more how my character thinks than how she acts.

pg-100

today i think my rehearsal went pretty well.i got some notes to work on,and i’m so close to being off book after that whole break from rehearsing.plus i’m changing/adding to my given circumstances a lot, and i think thats some what good.

thursday’s post

so our first freshman showcase rehearsal in a long time.at first i feared for this showcase,loosing jessica and now arianna.but we will definatly make it work.

so today i realized i hate being an actor,because we all had a talk today about how actors shouldn’t give suggestions to our directors.but i always have ideas!so i have to keep my mouth shut.i’ll have to learn one day to just focus on myself.right now i really have to work on my character.

i tried to make my actors book today.i’m pretty sure i failed on that.the actors book it’s self,i understand.its the writing of it that i’m so frustrated over.i’m just not sure how to write it, my character bio especially.i don’t know if i’m writing about the right part of my character’s life or not, or writing about too much detail.i kinda just went with where ever my thoughts went.i think i know enough now to continue growing my character.because i wrote about my character a couple of times and this one i think fits the best.

one note i got today was that i have to basically bring my character back.and i need to think more about my character.most defiantly.and work on my action sheet.i feel so behind right now because everyone else seems to have their stuff together.

so much work to be done.

pg-100

today i came prepared and on time to class.plus i really tried hard to just be an actor today and not worry about everything else.i’m also really excited and nervous for the show.WAY more nervous.its crunch time and we’ve just started.time to work again.

wednesday’s participation

pg-100

so today we struck the set,and i am seriously surprised by how much we got done.obviously the seniors started off,but we powered through that set.defiantly deserve a 100 for awesome set de-constructing.

welcome back!

journaling begins again after so long.

well somethings have changed since last time.mainstage is done.most of my reading is done.and i started taking the bus again after about 4 weeks of not being on it.

so waiting for godot.finally started.it’s confusing to me.like extremely confusing.the plot is next to nothing,like there isn’t much change through out the whole play,they begin waiting and they end waiting. i mean lucky and pozzo come along, but then thats about it.

i’m also finding the characters kind of difficult,vladimir seems more focused on godot than estragon, luck is just strange,at first i wasn’t sure he was a person or not.and pozzo seems like a philosopher type.

so the whole play is mainly thematic to me,but the only theme is could really see was why wait for something that may never come? so i think i’m seriously missing like this whole play.

but i’m only in act one,so i’ll see how this wonderful reading goes.

pg-100

today we took our history final.which i’m personally not to happy with,simply because i don’t think i did too well.but still i did the 10 short answers as well as all 3 essays.so i deserve a 100 for today.

thursday’s post

well its now at the end of the play.so here’s the last bit.

willy and biff have come to a minor understanding.biff is going to leave and willy is going to go on with living with linda and work out his problems.biff i think, is trying to help his parents or at least his dad,so he can stop worrying about biff’s life.

then they both have a father-son bonding moment!willy realizes that biff doesn’t hate him for cheating and biff finally told his dad that he can’t be the business man that willy wants him to be.but that he’s just trying to live his life as happy as he can.willy’s realization causes him to re consider living.

but then ben comes back.ben is trying to tell willy to hurry up and that they have to go,so willy WAS trying to die,but now that he and biff are ok,he wants to stay and he kind of blows ben off.and linda is trying to get him to sleep and it will be all over.

but willy doesn’t go.willy goes out for a walk and gets confused and wanders out in to the street (i think)(this is what i’m gathering happens artistically based on what the stage directions say)where he gets hit by a car and dies.which is so sad because he and biff were finally ok!

and finally the last scene,the funeral.

willy-dead.

linda-is now empty and she’s really messed up i think because a)she never knew about the cheating and b) everything willy was worried over is finally ok.

biff-i thnk is just content about life after he and his father cleared everything up.and is now just morning and living.

happy-is going to end up just like his father as i predicted.biff will be ben and happy will be willy.there is no way around it,history will repeat it’s self.

wednesday’s post

willy comes back into the present,and he i think at first has a sort of epiphany,which i thought at first was a good epiphany.i though he was finally going to forgive biff for catching him and he was going to make a garden and live his life happily,and that would be it.

but when willy starts planting the seeds and biff realizes what he’s doing,biff freaks out and runs to his dad.willy is outside talking to ben,which i don’t think is a very good thing in this case.willy is talking about this $20,000 deal with ben.but how would ben be able to help him at all? ben’s dead,he’s only alive to willy in willy’s head.

but willy feels alot of regret about linda,because she’s gone thorugh alot and she’s always stood by him.

i was really confused at first about this whole part with ben and willy.then ben said policy, and it clicked that willy is planning on killing himself and giving the money to his family to live off of.

ben brings up a good point though.biff will see willy as a coward.how at this point in this life something has to happen.either he dies and he’s remembered as a coward and biff still hates him, or he goes on living and solves things with his son.

biff does try to help his father now.he comes and tries to talk to willy.and tell him how he feels and let willy know what he’s going to do with the rest of his life.but willy still thinks biff hates him for whats happened with his future.when biff is trying to tell him that its not his fault.

tuesday’s post

so we find out that biff and happy’s buisness plan has fallen though.that there is no way to work out this great scheme to get tons of money for the family.biff is really torn up about it.i’m sure he feels like he’s letting everyone down,and he’s afraid for his dad’s sanity.he knows this can tip him off and make him kinda go crazy,which it does.

willy starts freaking out and is in his own head,when biff was graduation and he found out that biff had failed math.this part is interesting and confusing,because happy and biff are in the present time trying to explain to willy what happened and trying to calm him down.while willy is way back in the past listening to the people around him there in his head and not biff and happy.

biff really tries to tell willy what is happening with him and how he feels and why he thinks he failed,but willy isn’t listening.willy’s dream was a long time ago to work hard and watch his sons be these poster children of success.now that biff has come to realise that he can’t do that,willy’s disappointed and is blaming biff and himself.

at the same time,we learn more about what has happened between willy and biff.willy had an affair when biff came to tell him about failiing math,and biff found out about the woman,and willy has thought biff hated him ever since,whether he does or not we don’t yet know.